Finally!!

Success!  This marks the end of my year of poetry.  That's right, 365 poems, one for each day.  There were times I didn't think I could make it.  Thank you to everyone who has read even one poem and particularly those who have encouraged me on this adventure.  Most of all, I'm just grateful to have completed such an ambitious task. 

I don't yet know how this website will continue.  I am certainly up for suggestions.

Happy New Year to all!  Make a resolution of your own this year.  You never know what you could accomplish.

The End and the Beginning

two edges of the trip
fused into an ongoing loop
where nothing truly stops
each event siring the next
a forever domino effect
hitting square in the chest
sometimes knocking the breath
and others starting the heartbeat
with only forward motion
and no fall is ever the end

Bare Necessities

tapping her manicured nails on the desk
she expounded on her hardships
tugging the hearts strings with her needs
she couldn't live in an apartment
not after a gorgeous house
and the landlord should understand
how could she afford the rent
after quitting her benefit-providing job
blinded by the multiple diamonds
I bit my tongue to retorts
internally fuming at her entitlement
couldn't return to school
without paying for the first time around
greedy government wanting their loan repaid
and though I wished her well
as she clasped her Gucci purse to leave
mostly I wished her clarity
that before she dug too deep a hole
(possibly too late already)
she adjust to the life she has
instead of the life she left behind

Going Pink

flush creeping across the collarbone
then climbing the pillar of neck
gradual yet total
until even the ears glow rosy
physical manifestation of racing thoughts
giddy with sudden possibility

Dangerous Indulgence

avoiding temptation
with its luscious sweetness
undeniable in this time of year
serotonin laced evenings
when the shadows play
and the mouth speaks of want

Elvis in Footie Pajamas

a half quirk smile
Elvis in footie pajamas
with his iron grip
and the weeble head nod
he holds attention
swept up in the wake
we are powerless
against his half smile

The Moving Car Phenomenon

once a deadly trap
snare that caught the minute the door closed
and in motion I sat immobile
a traveling capsule of disapproval
staring at the road ahead to fight the tears
once upon a years ago
now a pocket of uninterruption
asking questions never answered before
with affection unmatched
a diffidence born in shouts and awkward silence
lessons learned of ago

Grown Up Christmas

a very different Christmas morn
not shuffling socks on stairs
and quietly disassembling the stocking
before parents wake to join the day
instead greeting the dawn lazily
slow burn expectation
gifts still days away, but family in reach
a highway away with lunch plans on
the grown up Christmas

For Unto You

breathless

whether fear or awe

to be filled with the spirit

not sinking into the lungs

like heavy air

but truly filled

swollen with child

later to arrive as a flame

now simply a spark

striking flint of life eternal

Critic of Art and Other Things

would bounce away

like a mirror image

of the way things should have gone

in a different world

where rules are just

and follow the heart of the law

instead they stick

hard and fast in place

a life I would not have drawn

until the scene

unexpectedly leaves

me awash in a feeling of awe

Can't Sleep the World

they tell of shadows
behind the eyes
from regret and loss
born wisdom lies
where hours can pass
or even days
the soul does flicker
once set ablaze
and though no surprise
to one and all
I'm back on my feet
after a fall
true words, I may shake
but still I'm awake

Girl's Best Friend

to not be interchangeable
special, one of a kind
without a  gift receipt
no substitutions or exchanges
in the simplest terms I wish to be me
to someone who understands
that like a diamond
the flaws distinguish it as yours
dancing feather down the heart
a signature or fingerprint
the cut and clarity of a soul

Saving Nine Stitches

one word now
a single gesture or touch
compounded over time
growing in the investment
fed again and again
by the first taste of compassion

Happily Right Now Anyway

once upon or long, long ago
with dragons and brambles
girls always asleep
just passively waiting
for someone charming
and of course very brave
then because he arrives
fate is sealed by his side
cleaved to the first prince
with no thoughts beyond
and these are the tales we tell
hemming in the heart
denial of the self saver
watercolor reproductions
devoid of depth and purpose
where I can be my own rescuer

Knocked On My Throat

quiet
not from lack of thoughts
more the constant barrage
bowling me over
voice crushed beneath its weight
because what would I possibly say
in upside down world

Five Hail Mary's and Let's Do Lunch

we talk so long the room gets cold
programmable central heating
the bane of all night confessions
and yet the chill is only slight
laughter warms my heart if not my feet
nuclear potential news simply child's play
sweeping past with an ease only distance brings
while I realize time has slid from beneath us
friendship built on sand that was once rock
could be cornerstoned again with talk like this

of or pertaining to Semantics

unobserved

we talk in plain sight

sans hushed tones and bowed heads

still it remains a mystery

not a secret

Flake Math

bright as day
well, bright as days get now
swaths of white
down comforters across the backyard
bouncing moonbeams with a lack of randomness
creating a midnight glow
from their crystal prism echo
somehow multiplying instead of fading away

The Second Other Side

I caught a glimpse
of the other side of the conversation
not the thoughts behind his lips
but how it rolls on without me
up the stairs into his home
settling at her chair during dinner
an echo over roast beef and potato
that turns her meal sour
I caught it in her eyes
and tried to stifle the blaze
the first time we met

Negotiating Warm

light creeping in past my lashes
dim but regardless present
warm air piping in from the doorway
I croak to no one
objecting to the early morning
and chuckling at my cat lady chattering
as my legs slide out silently
I bless the finally conquered thermostat
preceding my rising
shunning goose bumps for static
a calculated compromise

Prodigal Soprano

only slightly shivery
like basic nerves
and not transcendence
still a lost connection
found on page five
with my hair tucked
on black wedge heels
as the shower of sound
washes transgressions

Sagittarius

bow pulled taut and taken aim
pacing upon his perch
quest for truth his only claim
restlessness at the search

never to be fortune's fool
the sun does always shine
each friendship a precious jew'l
long as you don't confine

Thistle Analysis

I come full circle sometimes
back to where a problem began
to soak in the wrongness
feel it like barbs on my skin
remember the scratch at my thoughts
when I couldn't make things right
before washing sorrow and thorns together
spiral down the drain in full circle

Stories from the Grand

hard to imagine
the endless row of faces spinning like a carousel
trying to match a name
one of hundreds from the reaches of her mind
and so sometimes the generations merge
a mother for a daughter
off by thirty years
such a slim miss approaching a century

Sew Very Much

fabric sliding under my fingers
as the machine eats it bite by bite
joining disparate yards
to a union of flowing water beauty
sharp dress corners
and gift of a happy heart

Résumé Living

encapsulating

transforming a breathing life

to a static blurb

Instructions Not Included

step one completed
and subsequently scrapped
as completely wrong
such is the creative process

step two, the step one do-over
partial success needing tweaking
fully adjusted to specifications
such is personal determination

step three scheduled
when the night isn't so long
and the ideas flow again
such is exhaustion calling

Losers Weepers

scouring corners and shelves
completely absent a direction
only frantic with worry
months of work lost
like a horrible movie joke
and yet the clock is ticking down
until I have to give up the search
cut my losses, move ahead
sadder but still resolute

Tying Ends

graced with her crisp smile

as the darkness sank around

slow came our goodbyes

Fighting Galileo

softly disappointed
still, not into making waves
nibbling my tongue
until it's thick in my throat
choking my reservations
instead saving a spot in my heart
to remind me the Earth is not flat
and I am not its axis

Bunsen Burner Blues

home kitchen chemist

uncertain of my expertise

mixing a new world

rank amateur tad more apt

though faltering with much love

Forever Knocking

missed the boat
or the point
regardless
lost in my own head
watching the blank spots
where opportunities used to shine
like doors to open
some just dark closets
others portals to another world

Earache

hollow
like a gourd or a drum
echoing inside my head
reverberating gong of pain
dull yet growing
air suddenly so heavy
as the pillow hits

The Creative Current

well run dry
so that the bucket brings only sand
still I try to drink it
gulping rocks and wishing them diamonds
that my thoughts could make them shine
sparkle with wit and charm
dust bowl of the muse

Strange Partners

unrelated facts

yet they clamor in my skull

full of dips and twirls

dancing with no clear reason

until I can't stand the noise

by anonymous

anonymity
just another face in the crowd
with no repercussions
so you can spout beauty or poison
indiscriminately
because who can stop you?

sweeping honesty from your lips
you can tug the heart strings
let my thoughts provide the guise
seeing someone I know in your confessions
building a backstory you don't have
to match the way I feel

or hatred like blood on your fangs
dripping with judgment
unending faults under your microscope gaze
cowardly attack from behind closed doors
building you a sympathetic past
to match the way I feel

Riches From Heaven

the moon bright like a silver coin
I can pluck from the ebony sky
imagining smooth relief and ribbed edges
speeding along the highway
knowing that over the next hill
I will finally see the other side
where this disc fastens to the firmament

I Give Thanks For

honest gratitude
like a social enigma
in a world of polite thanks
where good manners outweigh vulnerability
because we are a home of independence
and yet no one is truly alone
each is pushed forward by the crowd
though it is forgotten or ignored
so I give thanks to all who lift me up
especially those who right me when I stumble
as I bow my head over the meal
I shall remember that you nourished my life first

Shoulder Curve

minutes plodding heavy steps along my spine
shoulders curved against the running clock
fantasizing about the power to turn hands
moving everything faster at my will
instead I pass time recklessly on the right
riding the shoulder around the curve

Blue Bundle

cover shot perfect

with bright shining eyes and smile

cradling her joy

Burnless Bones

unrelated to the current condition
with its booby-trapped corners
springing at the dust on the breeze
instead jacked directly to your thoughts
adrenalin fueled wild fire
all out, clear the countryside blaze
leaving me only burnless bones
in the wreckage of what could be

Dancin' With My Maxwell

spouting nonsense with a tune attached
catchy jingle of a meaningless song
born of desperation and limitless love
selfishly prolonging our connecting
but never forgetting who to thank

Lamb to Lion

gentle as a lamb on any other day
prone to neither violence nor aggression
the non-confrontational mediator
this is where I live in my heart
and then they glide out on their skates
antagonism flowing in the wind behind
like a cape wrapped around them
and it blows to my seat as well
boiling the blood, deafening the ears
until I'm shouting crudity
not obscenity, but reveling in the hits
bruises being par for the course
the adrenalin flushes my veins
lamb turned temporarily to lion

Define: Scream

I screamed
not blood curdling
but good sized in itself
though properly categorized
more as a shriek
downgraded for intensity and intent
with lack of danger
and heavily dosed with surprise
certainly outstripping a yelp or shout
and now after thorough classification
I forget why I screamed at all

Saucer Blue

saucer blue eyes look up to me
look through me
with a disconcerting quality
the intelligence shadowed there
sure of his place in the world
he rises in my arms
saucer blue eyes looking up

Because I Must Laugh

because I must laugh
crown me with misfortune
but make it ridiculous
make it serendipitous
make it with bright sides
that I can clasp like balloons
drawing me up
with floating giggles
crown me with the errors of life
but let me see the humor
so I can tip my hat at the will of the world
comic as it may be

In-hale Ex-plain

interconnected
twined, not as one
always a little space
allowing the ribs to spread
a full breath with company
rising and falling
in concert without unison

Losing the Eye

losing the eye
the instinctive moment
where breath stops
and finger drops
shutter the shudder
rocking through me
at that angle
light just so
on the story told
1,000 words shy

Before the Bite

wind cutting through me
hands nearly numb
but not quite
still mobile enough
and eyes not even tearing
so that it's clear
autumn chomping down
catching up after late to the feast
still I capture the yellow
just before the bite

Like Clockwork

you watch me with a blank face
asking for back-up, explanation
like these words can't be right
and still I muddle through
giving you unsatisfying answers
that you swallow in distaste
not even nibbling the edges
just whole down the gullet
never to be seen again
and I wonder why I bother
if they even passed your ears
still I will do it again
like clockwork the papers come
and I calculate the you I see

Palpitations

palpitations
not of a romantic variety
just a rush hitting my chest
stealing breath to clear the cage
so that my heart rattles
a children's toy, loud and clattering
with his tiny hands wrapped around me

Scorpio

razor wit that stings the most
in jest or malice meant
living as though born to boast
never but just content

always reaching higher yet
determined to the end
focus on the dark vendette
than reach out for a friend

Stagger and Fold

hit me

not like a ton of bricks

more like a ton of pillows

same weight that steals the breath

but softer edges

gasping with no bruises

so no one sees the evidence

only the stagger

and fold

Beyond Panic

past the tension
rubbing away tear trails
I chuckle
deep in the throat
with equal parts
relief and amusement
not hysterical
but truly amused
at the way He maneuvers
stacking difficulties
neatly towered on my shoulders
and just enough time to balance them
precarious and perfect
like dress rehearsal
practice for the main event
sometime yet to come
though far off, I hope
still warmed to the ideas
past the tension again

A Hand Up

pulling ever so slightly
or wrenching from the socket
in need of both I suppose
to write me after a fall
force with compassion
or only brutish in nature
so as to topple me again

Ground Level

thwarted understanding
at the ground level
where it singes the grass
not like the beating sun
but from the roots up
killing through the heart

Fuzzy

undefined
fuzzy for lack of a more specific term
and specificity is important
but hard to come by
especially when my thoughts are
undefined
fuzzy in the edges
and even across the center sometimes
like dozing in the summer sun
feline in nature
with their fuzzy bodies
and tail swishing by

Bathe a Cold, Starve a Fever

thirty six hours
on this skin
from pinkened nose
to gray soles
sinking into the warmth
blanket of water enfolding
as another cough tickles
and I breathe in the steam
willing to be well

I See No People

blind to forces beyond my comprehension
they speak idly of spirits and haunts
homes with a personality
or the feel of evil in their foundation
and I begin to wonder if I truly am blind
or maybe just absent the idea
so shadows that fall alone
or disturbances of electricity
are explained away by concrete reality
with no thought to apparitions

In Three Acts

tiny pins up my spine, like a memory tugging
waiting to be born again
of history and half remembered moments
with their unfocused edges
dropping the lids for a private show
cinéma vérité in three acts
the trial, the fall, the recovery
and the pins dig deeper
securing each scene in place
that I never drop the recovery again

Pseudo Naptime

nuzzling into my neck
soft baby locks
brushing my cheek
so that I coo more than the child
enraptured at the bundle
all floppy arms and lolling head
with those mystery eyes
opening at irregular intervals
checking the scenery
matching voice to face
and then retreating again

Romance in the Air

serene beneath heavy down
shielding from the chill
recent addition to the evening
like sunset's dear companion
traveling light but with gifts for all
painting the stubborn leaves
before seducing them off the trees

Only Treats

in ev'ry face upturning
when greeted at my door
I feel the tug of yearning
always the hope for more

with fangs and crowns of plastic
swathed in rainbow to black
restrained yet present magic
whilst begging for a snack

Marked

liquid in the veins

permeated with the joy

as though bliss branded

Over the Rainbow

of daydreams and Technicolor
we played our parts in spades
everyday monotony but on display
gussied up as it were
tiara perched on my head
princess of my own little corner
with laughter as my anthem

Come As You Aren't

pins pursed between my lips
I line up edges
even and straight
hoping the math holds
from 2-dimension to 3
cheating at the corners
and vaguing the curves
to travel the dotted line
smooth and quickly
as ghost night approaches

One Way Roads

sending words into the world
not meant in unkindness
but simply so full of self
that I begin to wonder
is it even a conversation
with two sides and voices
or is my tongue dispensable
fit only for silent agreement
while my ears burn red
at the flame of your self pity

Salutations

I tried to parse my thoughts

too complicated to simply say

or be

canyon of secrets I can't even tell myself

and you ask me what's new

After Silence

warmth radiating out
engulfed in strong arms
that ask for nothing
only folding in
just short of pain
to the telling pressure
celebrating with presence
after silence between us
born of shared sadness
that passes away
like leaves on the wind

On the Clock

the strange overlaps
where history pops up
in uncomfortable ways
trying to be professional
when he appears unannounced
and though my knuckles white
and temples pound
I can do nothing
only clutch my camera
and focus on happier faces
children my soul's balm

Max

a piece of them both

her fingers of bony length

his animation

mystery behind closed eyes

perfection in three letters

Her Water Broke

killing time
slicing seconds down
to move them faster
still they plod
until the question arises
to wait awake or asleep
snatching z's in partial peace
disconnected from possibility
or blank eye open stare
accomplishing nothing
and oblivion beacons
but only until the ring

Tugging the Horizon

entrance imminent

ticking the clock in my head

soon to meet that face

surrender my captured heart

and cheer the miracle thief

Autumn Bite

air crisp like apple

slow roll from summer to fall

soon the crackle brown

Deer Crossing

rolling through the darkness
damp air an anemic mist
like water through a sieve
it slides over the terrain
nearly obscuring her grace
lazy stiff-legged lope
crossing four lanes
yet only on a jaunt
unaware or maybe undisturbed
by my jerk to pause
and open mouthed awe

Stolen Moments

unreliable
with last minute excuses
pulled from thin air
backing down
backing out
of obligations big and small
and for what
an hour here or there
for nothing important
only minutes of silence
alone in the world

Pooling Happiness

crisp apple laughter
tinkling from across the room
until I can't stand it
drowning in the ignorance
where her joy resides
resolute I approach
to be enveloped
open like a blue sky
they part to embrace me
joining the group
as raindrops collecting
until they run riotously on

Separation of Thought and Face

preconceptions laying bricks between us
so that the words you say no comprende
like Greek and I puzzle at the break
until I can disconnect the voice from face
hearing for the first time
without your mouth getting in my way

Forever Juliet

Juliet will forever be Juliet
whoever dons her robe
and embraces the dagger
no matter the changes
can not alter her fate
Juliet is forever Juliet
from curtain rise to final bow
star-crossed innocent child
never to mature beyond her years
such is the immortality of the page
without the infinity of portraying life
that ever moving, never repeating
from crying entrance to exit far
journey that informs the next moment
ephemeral yet solid in creation

Ask the World

"How do you know what your gift is?"
she asked with no guile
and sorrow pooled in my stomach
that she should live this long
and not see herself as she is
blind to a green thumb and open ear
brushing culinary feats off her shoulders
as though food appeared from thin air
so that sour turned to sweet
at the unexpected response
"Ask the world."

Song of Autumn

small yellow leaves
rattling against the cement
like a musical shaker
with grumbling accompaniment
the clouds descending
as I wander home it crescendos
rain striking the car like a bell
until the symphony peaks
and silence returns

Birthday Girl

wave of love breaking
like a plate over my head
shocked back to now
wishes sent from world's end
on the day I own
like a yearly magnet
drawing them out

Libra

at home in posh surroundings
or almost any turf
can converse with queens and kings
as easily as serf

though inanimate not cold
toasty with social grace
ever must the scales uphold
for such can all save face

Gravid

a sad sounding word
heavy and solid
like steel support beams
and yet somewhat apropos
she seemed heavy
in body and spirit
weighted by her growing child
and by the future soon to break
filled with kicking feet
and dancing dreams
burdened by the inner glow
fire of life beginning
emergence on the horizon

Elephant Memory

I haven't forgotten

though joyous events might cloud this day

that the phone rang
and his voice so kindly broke the news
how the tears welled
until my throat caught on each breath
ragged like your ending
torn so cruelly from those you loved
why my feet ran
wishing to be away from polite and controlled
to mourn alone




(RIP Karen, gone one year today)

Sonnet for a Wedding

the blushing brown-eyed bride
with goofy white boy groom
take everything in stride
when crossing any room
glorious end in sight
distant yet looming tall
trying to still the fright
destined to break the fall
and so their future fixed
from dawn to dusk to dawn
nothing to come betwixt
the binds which they have drawn
for they know in their heart
"I do" is just the start




(dedicated to Bryan & April)

Denying the Silence

denying the silence
because it comes like a coma
padded walls against the world
straight jacket for my thoughts
paralyzer
and so I fill the void
words and noise and accumulation
til the peripheral darkness recedes
pounding drums to scare the spirits
ghosts of still air
missing a resonance hello

Just Breathe

oxygen inhale

drawing strength as the lungs fill

deep as the ocean

slowing the pulse down to walk

so my thoughts can live again

Amen Truck

muffled sirens wailed
and I sent a prayer
recalling a child's words
"Amen trucks"
then nolonger distant
but disturbingly close
leaping the stairs to see
idle witness behind glass
two doors down
with house in the way
so that shadows were all
floodlight creating pantomime
figures determined, confused
pacing in ordered chaos
until finally departing
apparent false alarm

Pushing Buttons

cheeks coloring at the implication
that history could revisit
a previous life could infringe
juvenile decisions staining today
and yet hysterical with the audacity
that digging deeper amused him
if only to push my buttons

Sepia No More

I have nothing to say
or maybe everything
but none of it relevant
just old news
old feelings
recycling in my head
blocking out the present
with technicolor past
restored by her return
repainted until I miss the fade

Please Exit the Building

don't presume you know my thoughts
vacationing in my intentions
like you were invited or just allowed
my memories not a playground
a theme park for amusement
must I lock the vault of musings
or can you simply close the door?

You Shall Reap

joy draws joy
as sorrow invites sorrow
and so I draw out the laughter
keep it simmering in the throat
even when unheard
sowing seeds of future happiness

Tying My Noose

awkward pause
as the question floats
hangs
guest of the gallows
sentenced for self-disclosure
revelations that can't be swallowed

Life as a Boomerang

languishing in men's flannel
oversized and soft
like a fabric hug
touching memories of years ago
rescuing forgotten shirts
liberated from my parents' closet
two decades past fashionable
and a few years early for retro
I am forever out of my time
living as a boomerang
cast out and looping back
but never matching the world

Behind Closed Eyes

crick in my neck
sleeping under the weight
of all my thoughts
never quite settling in
always jostling each other
rambunctious or just twitchy
they tap in my ears
and tickle my nose
like children kept silent
barely contained energy
on the verge of explosion
making my dreams dance
fleetly traversing the terrain
around the world and back
behind closed eyes
so that I wake with sore soles
and a crick in my neck

Cross-Breeding

cultivated persona
not false, but polished
shinier than I feel inside
with poise practiced in mirrors
and under hothouse lights

Lottery of the Heart

her platitudes held like a sieve
diaphanous against the light of truth
and still he poured his faith into her
deaf, dumb, and forever blind
wagering his future on her smile
regardless the odds and exclusions

Pony Revisited

swept up with hasty hands
confining the errant tendrils
pulled back for utility
and yet deliciously transformative
early autumn wind tickling
creeping along my neck
until I feel twelve again
exploding puddles under foot

Day Unwound

adrenalin replacing lethargy in my veins
prodded by inane arguments
running circles of vague logic
until both sides are bored, not tired
though the night slips away
secret and swift like a criminal
until I ask why we fight
and it breaks the spiral
instead frozen in my tracks
no good answers, no answers at all
only yawns nolonger held at bay
and murmurs endearing
as the line cuts off

Over the Hill and Through the Dale

my life is a blessing
I shall not whine
I lie down on Simmons Beautyrest
and stroll where the river once flooded
I refuel with coffee
and respect my fellow man
even when I have better information
yea, though I walk
through this life you have given
I shall fear no downhill slopes
for my family is with me
they mock my old age
and cherish me
I set the table for dinner
to showcase my grilling creations
you grant my head its remaining hairs
surely this is not the end of my journey
for next is the hill of grand-parentage
in which I shall rejoice forever




(Happy 60th Papa!  You're an oldie, but a goodie.)

Once Upon His Childhood Gone

carrying all the memories
crushed under this one-sided past
so that I can't watch in silence
but can't unburden my tongue
instead building new connections
vaguely reminiscent I hope
when his arms embrace
different feel though the same smile

Swallowing Secrets

nibble then gnaw
my lips the betrayer
destined for punishment
meted out with mindless fervor
until raw with contrition
never to pass tales again

The Amazing Adventures of Proton Girl

when I was young I had magic
not abracadabra with a puff of smoke
or a coin behind the ear
but a touch of healing power
we would joke, my friends and I
a forehead kiss would cure the ache
my promise of futures brighter
would come to pass with zeal

forgotten gifts of long ago
echo back with new incarnation
manifesting as faith but more
like a comic book creation
consuming sadness and regret
subsistence of the negative
toward transfiguration sought
creating light from shadow

Arsenic and New Lace

his pessimistic words
a slow poison, seeping into thoughts
so that I couldn't meet his gaze
frightened of dark eyes
clouding over like the sky above
instead twirling eyelet fabric
anxious hands wishing to change
so that my promise held weight
not just warm air off his shoulders

Crank It Up

statistically speaking
like you can assign a number
when emotions are involved
tricking the brain
amplifying to 180 decibels
where thoughts die
and the heart vibrates

Book of John

of light and life
allusions not illusory
does he write
spinning chronology tops
unrelenting in oppositions
nor riddle but rhyme
and laying down to take up
the motions of deliverance

Garden to Door Delivery

hours slip past
a stream through my tired toes
momentary drop
turning ripe with age
juicy and succulent
after starved for the contact
not avoidance
only drifting circles
clockwise and counter
we meet in movement

Reference Material

he called me on my abstractions
broad statements without qualifiers
because the generalities hold no ire
only the specifics twinge
and yet I narrowed
against wobbly judgement
needing the clarity
just as much as he

Build Your Castle

searching for the comfort
a magic moment
that could cure her ills
or just dull the pain
because it descended in waves
crashing the shores around her
eating the foundation
in jagged gulps
leaving her perched on sifting sand

Parley My Thoughts

elevator conversations
traveling but not arriving
so that I don't understand
your mouth moves
and I see the words
even if they carry no weight
vibrationless
until we're talking with no air
vacuum of repartee

Venn Unions

circles colliding
overlapping my worlds
in a disconcerting melting pot
where my splintered faces
start to paint a whole
portrait of the woman
flawed and soaring
in one breath
as though I could be all things
and you would understand

Virgo

pure intentions if not acts
the justice scales held firm
under weight of multi facts
desire to serve the term

not blushing maid as was thought
though not for center stage
instead of firm selfdom wrought
whatever place or age

Precious 140

bite size nuggets of your life
perfectly syllabled
with shorthand of the 21st
replacing a conversation
with this homogenized chatter
glib and seeming clever
or dropping facts
talk for talk's sake
saying everything of your world
and telling nothing of you

The Me of Transitions

sun giving a breathtaking show
unobserved I travel adjacent
appreciation dodging interest
until I glance above
catching my eye
but not the known
with its chocolate depth
this was honey sweet
shallow as a teardrop
lit by the setting rays
the me of transitions

Another Dollar

blocky and stunted

day moving like stacking stones

walls of consequence

A Sigh is Just a Sigh

less than love
but more than nothing
a stalemate of sorts
with the bounds of history
and future impossible
yet it draws
weakly and with sorrow
for what might have been
because she said it true
"you gave that up"
even if it wasn't mine to give

Midnight Attack

silken darkness
cracked with sudden light
slicing from ceiling to floor
jagged wounds that presently close
witness to the savage attack
I travel along
insulated in my rubber-soled cage
led and followed

X-Ray Vision

she saw right through me
as no one else had
summarizing the situation
just five words that I wouldn't say
couldn't say
who else to understand
but another who knew the loss
cutting more deeply
still severed from a past
phantom limb of life
whose ache never ends

The Eyes Have It

she threw the words like daggers
and he blinked
two, three, four, ten times
dumbfounded at the attack
until realization settled
balanced heavily on his shoulders
and he fled
trailing sorrow in his wake
that lapped at her ankles
reminding of lazy Sundays
and down on one knee
before she made him blink
when his eyes were wide and guileless
and saw only her
in all her sanity or not
level gaze ever
until she blinked
three, four, eleven
jump starting the stalled heart
in his blind wake

Midnight Pumpkin Time

delaying the inevitable
I shuffle my feet
the appearance of movement
without actually leaving
waiting for the sign
the internal twinge
that says the night is over
talking in circles
until the tug
along my spine
like a rubberband
pulling me to the car seat
with nerves and allowances

The Better Part

a decade
or only the better part
twining a mic cord
and tapping my thigh
eyes watering over lyrics
the nervous ticks that descend
as the music floats higher
now turning a page
like closing a book
on a chapter ended by others
the rug pulled
and I'm knees first
for the better part

Aunt To Be

selfish excitement simmers
not even below the surface
above and spilling over
into left and right conversation
aware of the ridiculous grin
plastered and painted
like a permanent fixture
the new architecture
practicing the quick release
for when her arms reach
and by heart rebels

Anniversary Shoot

they told their story
one in a million chance
truly, math whiz
she calculated the odds
sixty seconds different
a few toasty degrees
another wrong turn
so many ways it could have gone
if not for that day
they never would have met
and the alternative timeline seems sad
not to see the joy
shining from crinkled eyes
or his hand reaching for hers
without looking or thought
and the new life growing
sadder than Shakespeare tragedy
to imagine another wrong turn
a few toasty degrees
sixty seconds different
for this calculated miracle
of incalculable bliss

Internal Earthquake

internal earthquake
feeling the pitch and reel
but only in my head
chasing a seat
quick as the hare
but slowing to not upset
until I'm perched
fixed pointed gaze
willing the end of movement

"Do you do birthday parties?"

idle chatter
with an eavesdropper
sliding in seamlessly
making requests that floor me
because it's a hobby
capturing moments on film
resident photographer
labelled like it's a real thing
and not a game I play
but he doesn't laugh
straight in the eyes
wondering the camera type
and if I would be free
before leaving with child in arms
with me in confusion

Wish (for) Granted

shame on you
looking past the point
beyond declarations of deed
like ships passing
you watch the movement
and think you know the destination
his port in the storm
always by your blind side

Mouse Hunting

skin tight
and muscles twitching
remembering the execution
as I watched his shallow breath
imagining panic behind his eyes
when the blow fell
flushed with justification
and equal horror
at the necessity

Only Skimming the Surface

the words don't come
and so it's only halfway
part of a thought
fraction of a dream
conversation caught in my throat
because I want to tell the whole story
not the cliff notes
hitting the high points misses the depth
but the truth is more than I can say
fathomless even where I dip a toe
so that drinking it in would drown you
only sips that catch in my throat

Pause the Circle of Life, Please

handed fear like a gift
smiling with a thank you
and I carried it to her door
hidden, tucked above my lungs
making each breath a chore
fighting the inevitable
because partings hurt
where the knife (the life) separates
yet hope bears my weight
even burdened with fear
and so she chatters on
oblivious or simply numb
to the tension in my limbs
having seen it before
that I let go
not forgetting or accepting
but denying for the sake of joy
because courting sorrow
only tints the hours
never slowing the hands

Highway 21 Detour

construction turned me away
down roads not on my map
snaking through gravel paths
each T a decision
judging distance and direction
hoping the next hill held the answer
and yet the journey became a story
finger nod from the trucks approaching
a wordless conversation of greeting
rolling view of corn in neat squares
until pavement flowed beneath my wheels
back on the map again

Instant Home

up the driveway and here
like visiting a stranger
big brown house so unlike your style
yet you open the door
unaware of the aberration
as if my history wasn't uprooted
bitten tongue greetings
and prerequisite tour

two full clock turns
become a new establishment
feet curled on a couch
or perusing a stocked fridge
connecting with the surroundings
not as rooms of yesterday
but filled with your today
that feels like instant home

Which Side of Light

driving into the falling sun
light washing color from the landscape
gray skyline with its rolling hills of beige
black boxes of trucks before me
with their forbidding height
and multitude of wheels
man-made mountains traveling the road
yet the mirror gleams in technicolor
emerald on my heels, always just one step
how different the light can be
at my back it shows the path
illuminating the possibilities
in my eyes it blinds
dulling the world to grayscale

Mercurial Calendar

at loose ends
my routine disturbed
unsettled at the base
when a day is not a day
and the hours swiftly shift
forward to be pulled back
when the days return
passing in order once more

Outmanned and Outgunned

rock paper scissors
like it isn't fixed
weighted against me
by mutual agreement
his and hers, not mine
the games we play
consenting to the failure
and I say "even in moonlight
you would shine"

Banter in the Afternoon

tossing barbs like I understand
like this conversation is real
and not some game we always play
when days are slow and time is long
dishing it out with a spatula
only to eat my own humble pie

Mail Call

a series of envelopes
oddly square in heavy paper
every few days another arrival
shower upon shower
wedding upon birth
upon endless celebration
like a scratch on the record
life lived on repeat
forever observer of the joy

Settling Debts

your pieces of eight

fragmented beyond repair

for my broken heart

Life Sketch #4

walls constricting, confining
closing him in with his thoughts
where he builds his own defenses
pacing the parapet in his mind
his grand protections nothing
one neverending circle
breeding paranoia
on a grander scale
and though it brings him naught
only echoing alone
he embraces the path
feeling larger than himself

The Journey of Sound

blasting my ears
not music we're making
only noise
loud and unbalanced
but at least in tune
as far as my tortured drums can tell
because in our tent of sound
I can hear my voice
if not my thoughts
and as it floats out
pouring down the graceful hill
the notes tumble upon each other
gentle as with consciousness
not crashing into them
but rolling up against
and tugging softly at their sleeve

The Growing Coalescence

my brain a revolving door
thoughts spinning, unfurling
and escaping partially formed
like a cake that won't rise
or the dropped punchline
my memory slipping
not from disuse, but disinterest
days bleeding together
with only sunsets to mark their passing

Treading Secrets

head full
like under water
I feel the words rise
fatalistic air in my lungs
surfacing from the depth
bubble popping in jagged shards
scratching me for my covetousness

Dye Job

liquid rust in rivulets down the drain
like polishing the old to new
steel gray halo traded in
for the slow-burn fire
and when the water runs clear
past is refinished
future warm to the touch

Leo

on the prowl for center stage
with chin held always high
not a trace of inner rage
rather a prideful sigh

regal still in plain attire
power shown from within
proof of an enduring fire
hubris their greatest sin

Monstret Runt Hörnet

stacking protection for a future unwritten
on stars, stones, or pages but still in my heart
it looms like a villain unknown or forgotten
with horrors indelible yet to impart

The Quest

on a continuing quest
search for the purpose
    the goal
what to make of a life
more than moment to moment
connected by air and conversation
in pursuit of the focus
and therefore missing the point
because the quest
    the search
    the pursuit
is life
moving through moments
not as destinations
but bricks in the road

The Option Period

ridiculous love
innocent and encompassing
it swept her floating
blind to existence past its sphere
and ambivalent to the strings attached
regarded as encumbrances
neither vast nor excessive
until seen through rose-less glasses
when the dance of restrictions
lost its romantic lustre
she wilted at the barriers
pondering the trade anew

Attack of the Tomatoes

escaping their cage
ascended above its protective rings
falling or grasping, I can't tell which
so that they nearly touch the ground again
fleeing the will of woman or gravity
but too slow for both
and with brutal force they rise
strapped in place
like a perilous mental patient
bound back into servitude
ripening for my slaughter

The Great Wall

looking back I notice the signs
like clues dropped at intervals
passing comments that floated
now heavy stones in my chest
weighing me down with the reality
of a sudden change
that had been gradually building
beneath my notice
wall of rocks
like those that slow me
one upon the other
until finally reaching my line of sight
so I can blink in confusion

Through the Doorway

do not tarry on the threshold
fingers still grasping the knob
as though you might retreat
after such a long road
step boldly through
breath catch and release

Life Sketch #7

entirely uncomplicated
with her transparent moves
and truth behind pearls
wearing disappointment
as though custom tailored
hugging lines of despair
her only warm embrace tonight

Bedside Manner

he holds my hand and my breath catches
but then slows
peace radiating from his touch
ease and light traveling my body
flowing through my veins like he's a drug
and still he holds
light as a feather yet warmly connected
slowing my heart even as he sets it aflame

Small Talk Lunch

like talking through water
slow and echoing in my ears
chewing on words
until finally spitting them out
sadly disused
while faces look past me
invisible girl
with her macerated conversation
perfunctory greetings
that gravity toys with
dropping stones on my toes
as the clock bends
bruises make their escape
carrying the ethereal shell
and a throat full of sadness

Commissioned Pleasure

snipping here and there
overlapping dovetail
with the grayscale
and slow dissolve
until the vision is found
their life, deadline now
protracted and projected
wall full of smiles
and touching cheeks
pink child scaling backs
endless humorful love

Two-ended Candle

surreptitiously stealing
few minutes here
an hour there
hoping my body won't notice
knowing that it will
hands spinning me dizzy

Expired Title

the little moniker
(sometimes derogatory
or simply precious done)
is cast off
a year older
soon a mother
of no use anymore



(Happy Birthday to my sister Katie!)

Water and Stars

crazy at midnight

watching the roof-hugging moon

through the sprinkler haze

Dating Refresher Course

relearning flirtation, so very out of practice
and recalling that I never was good at it
as it was taught by others
the false laughter and showy disinterest
all to distract from the reality
that no-meaning-yes is unnatural
relearning how to be attractive, attracting
and recalling how easy it should be
that talking to the right man
is like falling down, gravity does all the work

Somnambulist

hours after waking
my dream still clings
subconscious static electricity
drenching everyday actions
with scraps of memory
as if they were real
and not awkward intimacies
forced upon my mind's eye
with no regard for comfort
so that innocent chatter
is now tainted oily
slick and tacky
adhering to my thoughts
even as I try to shake free

My Heart Beats For

ever the proud leader
believing himself above reproach
beyond the frailties of lesser
the golden boy
as though she cared
each perfect decision another flop
more proof that his heart
would always belong
only to himself

Steep for five minutes

steam rises in a flurry as I drench the loose tea

the leaves dance and I realize the bygone civility

across the table she sits, patient and reserved

two people and a teapot, so very alike

heat making the tea surrender its flavor

its essence, delicate as a conversation

with a little warmth she opens up

unfurling like tea leaves, suddenly vast

and deep as Earl Grey on my tongue

Electricity Hiccup

sudden darkness descends
but more
envelops as a curtain
absent any glint or shadow
and I freeze
unexpected I must acclimate
remember where my feet stand
where my hands rest
so moving again
between one heartbeat and the next
blazing light again
like an electricity hiccup

Is this what we are?

winding up and falling down
driven to no destination
only pavement under foot
wearing the soul thin

Through Bliss

traversing two lanes
when you shared your smile
revolving door of joy
like a carousel
looping with laughter

Apollo Admirer

pursed lips kiss goodnight

since smiling in his presence

now tucked in for sleep

It's Alive

zombie steps
stiff and unbalanced
heavy heel on tile
chill in the newly made day
with sunlight only creeping
hesitant against the silent room

Squabbles

laden declarations
heavy on the tongue and shoulders
of misunderstandings
long in the making
conceived in assumption
and born of contempt
until witnessed by heavy hearts
wishing for peace
though the fight delicious
singular treat shared
one at each end
meeting paradoxically in the middle

Battle Ready

you don't disarm me
with your brash exclamations
and hint of vanilla
only put me on edge
lashing tongue at the ready
only a breath away
but your breath carries
floating sugar stories
that make my grip go slack
and I am helpless

Lady Luck

forget luck being a lady
be affable
my nerves draining off like rainwater
be cordial
not to hang on my shoulders
but keep me company
all alone I'll need a friend
warming the cards
holding my hand under the table
so the dealer doesn't know we're together
until it's too late

Luminary

under wraps
like a hidden soul
rock star of spirit
suffering the paparazzi eye
ducking questions and flashes
with alarming ease
no malice or desire
only silence growing
fed upon unpierced darkness

What's the Sign?

How much of me is preordained?
drawn from the stars
planets rising, aligning, retrograde
on the day I arrived
forcing foibles into grasping hands
steady voice behind the scream
full of second chances
and a fear of battle
Where is the line drawn?
reading a balanced life
my doubts and stumbling blocks
by a man who never knew
so that I question
self-fulfilling or undeniable

Fake It Till

plastered smile
accessory I never forget
more vital than a nametag
like a practiced routine
head lifts and lips curve
so ingrained it's thoughtless
or so I believed
but the reality reaches further
into the depths of a tired mind
for energy can slip away
stolen by the spinning clock
yet joy can rejuvenate
and no matter how fake it begins
when eyes meet
bouncing smiles like a mirror
I feel the delight
airy but substantial
fueling the effortless next smile

Fade In, Interior

I felt my steps as choreography
not of a dance
but an economy of movement
beginning in the kitchen
mug of tea in right
plated bagel in left
snapping off the light switch
with the sharpness of an elbow
past the stereo
bumping power with a hip
down the stairs to the landing
balancing plate on mug
to turn the deadbolt
fish out the cellphone
tucked neatly into pocket
and back down the stairs two-handed
dishes gently on the end table
and without a pause
setting alarms on the cellphone
through the few steps to the nightstand
and back to the couch
where tea is steaming
so that in the back of my head
it felt like blocking
I could almost feel a camera on me
a fluid movie intro
establishing the single woman
closing up the house for the night
finally relaxing with a warm mug
to stave off the stresses of the day

Front Loaded High Efficiency

with an urgency that confuses me
intoned every minute
unless I rush to its side
as though it were the entire world
immediacy engendered casually
so that I can't help but respond
muttering my contempt
even as pace quickens
arguing with major appliances
in a silent room

Cancer

skittering from left to right
personal shield in tow
far from heading for a fight
ready to hide below

most secure in domicile
with stories by the score
still would walk a thousand mile
for fam'ly they adore

Sunset Diagramed

window seat
with the ice blue view
so that nothing passed unspoken
mysteries laid open
markers piercing the surface
a how-to guide
sequential nightmare
instead serpentine past ankles
tripping me up
in the hazy dusk

The Growing Obsession

the growing obsession

with the earth

the green

each leaf and blossom

so that five pots

have grown to twenty

because it seems silly

not to use every inch

every ray of sun and raindrop

should have a purpose

a destination

because it's a new start

a representation

sign of life moving

upward where the stakes lead

Relative Humidity

I forget all day long

sealed in my fridge

with the scenic view

it feels like paradise

that I'm missing

until the hands circle

and I escape

into

air grown corpulent

wading through

feeling where every strap lies

purse blossoming dew

stripes across the crook

my car a personal bubble

microcosm enhancing the effect

until sanctuary looms

spewing chill upon my entrance

soaking to the toes divested of cover

Feast Still Famine

on surfaces that reflect
how much I miss you
even as the door slides
from another visit
cutting our words short
like tomato in the salad
I need more
craving it in my bones
hunger unsatisfied
until your voice again

Burning Scarlet

when the fever rises in my blood
I ache for the simple, soft, and sweet
for shoulders to lean against
and the crook of the neck
where peace always makes itself home
my fingers curl to be holding someone
child or man or family
only to meet palm to palm
with the grasp of growing darkness
so that the burning can stop
doused in blue eyes and my teardrops

Embracing the Void

like a thousand piece puzzle

of the cloud sprinkled sky

I rearrange

judging angles and distance

the geometry of a home

balancing the equation

of comfort and aesthetics

and realizing functions can change

surfaces can stay empty

spaces don't all have to be filled

the blue between the clouds

is part of the picture too

Tending the Seeds

setting the trowel down
dirt still under my nails
I revel in my work
neat lines of green beginnings
new life sprouting up
with a future and purpose

so that it makes me wonder

setting the quill down
ink still under their nails
did they revel in their conviction?
neat lines of traitorous text
new life declared
with a future and purpose

Houdini's Curse

witnessing her evanescence
first the boisterous voice
gone shallow and breathy
until each word just another exhale
then her cheshire grin
pearls losing their lustre
beneath sparkling eyes
gone a tear-stained periwinkle
and even as I grasp her hand
my fingers fold
holding only air and memory

Amended Building Plans

were we what I had always imagined

in sepia photos and rosy-tinged dreams?

a complete unit, set one through four

with all angles covered

system of braces and supports

so interconnected no quake could topple

or were we always waiting for more?

his spot preordained

a hole I never noticed until framing his laugh

Go Home Again

reacquainting with the noises
the rattles, creaks, and taps
learning the shadows, flares
like a game of memory
eyes closed, seven steps down
pacing the doorways
as childhood recollection seeps in
yet though the structure remains
the form is shifting, evolving
moving in and on

Carpet Cleansing of the Soul

in beautifully symmetrical strokes
he laid my past to rest
I stood in the doorway
of my apartment not to be mine
with empty walls, white surfaces
devoid of everything I had lived
not to cross the threshold
and taint once more
marring it or me with a touch
instead turning the key
feeling the latch slide again
OCD'ly pushing to be certain
a tick bred from six years
then feet leading me flightly forth
unburdened, clean

Surrender to the Undertow

emotion like the sea
not the water itself
but the movement
a breaking wave
or the gentlest ripple
impossible to capture
always the tide rolling
into a vacant heart
or pouring like Niagara
and since a child
I tread farther from shore
until the surge takes me
immersed in the ecstasy

The New Appalachians

piles of boxes
laundry clean and yet to be
emaciated dresser
devoid of its drawers
level upon level
my very own mountain range
of dishes and stereos
books next to camera bag
electronics & shoes & blankets
a new skyline emerging
to be changed tomorrow
and the next day
until the sierra is flatland again

30 Days Notice

dusty corners and nails in the wall
walking out with a sigh
relief but not
for though the end is in sight
I'm still running
racing the calendar
tearing one day at a time
exhaustion nibbling my ankles

Quicksand Night

wasteful of time
that precious commodity
I felt I had banked enough
instead I burned it away
and the moon moves higher
on the night before the end
so that I weigh my options
trading work for sleep
but knowing it isn't even
either way I'm stacked behind
with dawn on my tail

Hand Me a #2

making choices in faith
not certainty
though it leaves me unsettled
precarious footing again
still one step follows the other
drawn forward
as graphite to paper
sketching the reality of me
eraser at the ready
inked ridges of fingerprints
mark my heart, my thoughts
yet even such pure forensics
can't hold the answers
only a broken spiral

Moving Day

the phone rang again
and though I understood
I didn't comprehend
couldn't truly imagine
their exodus after so long
such that her words fell
without me catching
only nodding invisibly
apprehension in my throat

Prism Infinity

even as the moon ascends
the air chokes me
when I lift out of my car
fogging my glasses
haloing the stars in rainbows

Merry-Go-Away

like my childhood itself

each new layer a bright replacement

yet bled through from the time before

because history isn't rewritten

as though from scratch each time

but is built upon the foundation

a tower of creation, experience

beholden to the life before

Voracious Repose

with wrists bound
my dreams dragged me away
sunlight only a memory
as I sank, immersed in black
spots expanding to faces
voices as if from a well
and then from behind my eyes
words that made no sense
as I stood in their living room
missing a wall
missing reality
this fiction floating me deeper
until I see them as distractions
empty talking heads
to hold my gaze, my thoughts
so I wouldn't notice the ropes
fettered to this illusion
where strangers don the faces
of my heart ties
devoid of love, thought
aberrations with fabricated smiles
feeding upon the light I held

Whether Mukluks or Loafers

three years old I followed in his footsteps

returning with a battered box

he surrendered his treasure to daddy's princess

portal to a new world, watching through the lens

shutter click like a door slamming behind me

another in the long hallway I would travel

first, limbs dangling, held on his arm

then a mile high on his shoulders

hands clasped side-by-side

now two steps ahead, checking behind seldom

but always certain he'll still be there

because even as I lead the way

I'm walking in his footsteps

...has issued a severe...

when I turned back around
clouds poured across the sky
like spilled India ink
fingers at the edges
engulfing the last blue specks
until the prenoon hour was as dusk
ominous speed stilling my conversation
so that I jumped
(just a little)
when the weather radio blared
warning timely yet overdue
so that the automated voice
served as introduction
to the bursting cumulus
sluicing the pavement
drowning the air
and then once spent
bolting for the eastern horizon

Like Falling Apples

choices  I made

inevitable as gravity

without thought

only a tug behind my sternum

pulling toward the match

until it feels right

dropping into place

with a click I can't hear

and yet it echoes

To Prepare

tying loose ends
so that nothing trails
grasping at my edges
during my momentary escape
placating old hearts
in the vain hope
that time passes unnoticed
gliding beneath their radar
without tick, tick, boom

(Not So) Empty Drawers

unfolding gently

an image of dusty rose, sage, and a pale yellow

like August sun sifting through a windowpane

each stitch tiny and exquisite

arching petals of delicate beauty

more feminine than I have ever been

with my hefty teals and square corners

I feel clumsy even touching it

meant for ivory finger grace

like bone china and opera gloves

not my curious hands

smoothing creases in age tinted fabric

imperfectly, but with great adoration

As the World Revolves

clock spins like a top

suddenly another day gone, another chance lost

world rotating so swiftly I tend to stumble

and a stumble can so easily become a fall

pitching and reeling as the earth speeds past

but not on this turn

today it is only a falter, momentary

righted and moving forward again

because the clock never stops spinning

and neither do I

Moving, Keep Moving

empty holes where things used to be
creating shadows I don't know
and spaces that catch my gaze
the absence making them visible
noticeable after years of granted
until I wonder how you can fight it
what the trick is to withstanding
passing the time still seen
never blending into the wallpaper
when his eyes skim by

Corner Couch Dozing

soft music drones from down the hall
on a Saturday afternoon
rain beating a bass undertone
hypnotic and soothing
papers splayed across my lap
I adjust the blanket
somehow hooked on the couch arm
once settled again the warmth ascends
eyes unfocused, chin starts to dip
muscles slack until a folder slips
and that motion breaks the spell
suddenly lids flit open
thirty second half rest rejuvenating

Divine Design

tiny veins criss-cross his lids
like leaves lit by sunlight
streams of the new life coursing
and pink fingers flailing
brushing eyes, lips, nose
squirming, he gently thumps
my lace-clad collarbone
settling finally into the crook
as though arms built to hold him
divine design carved for Eli

Gemini

born of mirror images
copies sent two by two
endless babble tough to gauge
bound to tell all they knew

focus of the duel mind
once scattered then at peace
capricious yet you shall find
their thoughts can never cease

Impending Swelter

heavy with moisture

wading through a wall of air

that waits hind closed doors

Entrance

a voice clear as spring water
sparkling in the din
her laughter rounded the corner
precursor to her smile
announcing her arrival with fanfare
so that conversation ceased
silence greeting her certain steps
until she filled the doorway
round hips and blond curls
perpetual joy with bright eyes
an imperceptible nod
and the spark of conversation flared
returning as if never halted
only embracing her discourse

The Nature Show

so very discreet, they thought me blind
just beneath the desk his hand brushed hers
thumb grazing knuckles until she grasped back
joyful hunger in her gaze
my fingers flitting over keys, I hid my smile
idle chatter dropped from my lips
moving ever forward to maintain the illusion
mustn't startle the subjects
and risk losing my voyeuristic pleasure
witness to shiny, new love

Children of Iowa Land

straps digging into my forearm
as I lug bags to the kitchen
gently resting on the floor
as from a magician's top hat
appear rainbows of flavor
strawberries like speckled garnets
gently-firm yellow tomatoes
their flesh nearly bursting
streaked green of new cukes
and creamy white cheese
sharp and young
children of Iowa land
each born of care and love




(I apologize for being late.  Blogger was down last night and I was unable to post.)

Razor Witness

he wasn't what I expected
all sharp corners and jagged edges
the planes of his face slicing the air
even as daggers dropped from his lips
unbeknownst
oblivious to his cutting words
tunnel vision to his target
with no time for my distractions
thoughts and feelings taboo
in his ordered existence
with its sharp tongue and jagged touches
set to gouge my soul

Grammar Battlefield

words float in my vision
a menagerie of wild verbs
wretchedly influencing
the rest of the predicate
as they proclaim their demands
while the famously angelic nouns
subject us to their secrets

Green Thumbs and Skinned Knees

caked in dirt
sweat clinging at the nape
and turning my lips salty
I stand
dusk well upon
stealing the last reflected glow
hose in hand
the final touches of our planting
descending in shower
and for a split second it flutters
the long forgotten desire
to skip through falling water
turn the spray to self
cleaned like an errant child or dog
dingy rivers traveling the driveway
but only a moment passing
echoing memories of this yard
when knees were skinned
and cheeks a sun-splashed pink

Compounding Vexation

disagreeable
without discernible reason
and more so as hours pass
feeling snippy in my thoughts
while painting a smile
yet I find no cause
the search only fanning the flame
like melody just a touch sharp
or contorting to find an itch
averseness ebbs and flows within
baseless and self-fulfilling irritation

Evening Out(Down)pouring

droplets
fat and almost warm
splashing against bare arms
rolling streams
escaping at the elbow
lightning in the distance
no crackling veins
only sudden floods
like a camera flash
illuminating then gone
foray into the chaos
I stride
feeling curious watchers
safe under cover
they sit in borrowed chairs
sipping borrowed air
as a gust fills my skirt
billowing my steps lighter

Potted, Planted, Prospered

roots nestled gently
soil buoyant beneath my touch
sating green leaf thirst

In Honor

expanse of white tiles
clean and ordered
antithesis of the world
that provided such a sea
of surrendered life
fallen on grounds
neither lush nor shorn
more often unyielding
barren horizons
or wrenching bogs
wasteful and valuable
in the same moment
as over-exposed eyes shut
and darkness falls

Relocate, Refresh

looming in the periphery
far for so long
now suddenly claustrophobic
unmanageable and invigorating
a new adventure
ticking clock
measuring weeks now
next only days
and prepared or not
it will fall upon me
so shoulders must rise
to follow the chin

Impressionistic Interviewing

she entered boisterous
smiling and jovial
of little distraction though
from her neckline
creeping ever lower
and each answer
became another nail
vernacular pounding them
flush against the grounding
of call and response
employer and turn-down

Speaking in My Direction

eyes sliding over like I'm not there
my voice only ambiance
so that he responds
but not to my words
only as a springboard
my breath an entrance
and we aren't conversing
only tossing lines the other doesn't catch
because my youth is a curse
and his history gives permission
so hours pass slowly
tangling my ankles in the strings he lobs
and I am cobbled in the week ahead

Making Preparations

walking halls I've always known
could traverse in dead of night
and suddenly changed
walls stripped, boxes stacked
gaze nolonger gliding over familiar
now stalling at altered corners
a protest of fearful heart
making the leap
but uncertainly

In the Microphone

lids heavy
not from exhaustion
but weight of the melody
pressing from all sides
softly firm
like arms around my chest
embrace of E flat, C, sharp A
soaring from speakers
living in the air
thick
emptying my lungs
until they ache
dull and wanting
for the echo back

Critical Mass

I can see her
steps heavier, deliberate
carrying falsehoods like weight
shifting it slowly
adjusting to the new burden
loaded with years
sifting truth from lies
wheat from chaff

No Cost Pente

a touch of flame
that neither singed nor warmed
but perched on his brow
eating the air of dissension
consuming doubt
feeding upon the darkness
that spawns in men's souls
fingers reached into the shadows
until the night receded in fear


(Reference - Acts 2:3-6)

Age of Mutual Consent

adulthood
arriving not at a date
eighteen a superfluous number
good for laws and contracts
but telling nothing of the world ways
where maturity is measured
in a strange algebra
of education, experience, and hardship
and instead of a turning point
there is a gradual shift
until I realize
sipping pinot one late night
that we are equals
in your eyes as well as mine

Happy Hunting

spectator at the party
distanced,
just a bit
only far enough to frame
holding her face in the lens
waiting,
trigger finger hovering
not for cheese
but the honest smile
playing at the corners
perpetually threatening to strike

Like Deja Vu

except not even close
a madlib echo of my life
structure the same
all the players, places
a grab bag collection
and then she asks
"would you take it back?"
like it's an option
like years didn't pass
crawling and rushing
only turn back one page
and rewrite it
revisionist mystery
whodunnit I already solved
no takebacks

Fill the Air

bow touched string
and then it danced
sliding, flying, caressing
bringing squeals of excitement
and moans of agony
but always returning
soft and haunting
a lonely melody
yet an illusion
hypocrisy of expression
for the solitary strain
can only come from joining
bow touching string
and dancing
together

Divine Forgiveness

an affront
so small as to be less than slight
and yet it grows
fed by the passing hours
gorging on wordless days
becoming fat with neglect
insurmountable
until finally bound in ropes
it is dragged to the light
split with a blade of clemency
to fall away
starved of malice
a contrite heart triumph

The Greater Joy

I could travel the world
sample their delicacies
shuffle ancient pathways
melt into Dali
or float with Monet
and happy it would make me
yet hollow as a gourd

for the depth of life
is ever present in company
the spider's web of heart
tugging taut and captured

which is true bliss
warmth between my toes
on the beaches of Cancun
or tromping castles in the sandbox
with a three year old

four star Parisian cuisine
escargot and flaky croissants
or Mom's strawberry pie
piled tower drenched in glossy red

the mundane holds the key
joy of connection
of ties that bind
and the tensile threads
stretching the universe
yet never snapping

Morning Glory

eyeliner smudged
a trail of emerald
like a tear slipping away
catching the light
as I blink again
trying to awake, aware
a swipe to blank slate
pale skin and cloudy eyes
lips dry from only speech

Breathe In

rasping at the end
she made her greetings
short and soft, daring a smile
without energy to make it wide
shallow breaths
that bring her oxygen
but no air
as her spirit deflates

(Re)Discovery

secrets hide behind her eyes

framed by freckles
the tiniest bend at her lips
staring back after a decade
glossy 4 by 6
a fingerprint in her hair
blended to the soft curls
I still wonder
the worlds caught in hazel
and the glimmer I saw
only the beginning

 

(Kendra - taken March 1997)

IOU

I find myself beholden
obliged by your words
by the actions you take
in debt I can not pay
with every penny I ever make
or every moment of my time
none is of worth
against the barrage
and though scales shall ever tip
so shall my tongue make payment

Manifest Mysteries

though omnific in my world
building a home of words
plastering the walls with pictures
that tell stories without fear
still you circle in confusion
prodding the edges to understand
thinking reaction will reveal me
all the while I blink dry eyes
from urging you to hear
my thoughts tumbling tornadoes
little do they confess
only everything that I am

No-Touch Clean

beating the window
waves ascending, descending
car wash like patter

Taurus

dirt compact beneath his hooves
advancing straight ahead
trav'ling all the rehearsed moves
avoids distractions red

yet temper flares in accord
when driven from his task
those who wish not to be gored
should ponder what they ask

Tyre-d Revelations

trying to escape the throngs
burdened by the needs of so many
spine one straw away
he ran
but there is no escaping the world's pain
and the unending desire for healing
so a lone man on the road
can not mask the eternal love within
like a beacon
drawing a woman forward
seeking even the dregs
the crumbs from His table
for the unchosen can choose
the outsider can enter in
when faith bends their knees


(Reference - Matthew 15: 21-28)

Mother May I

go into the world
shoulders straight
thoughts clear
carry love like a blanket
to always warm my heart
jump the chasm
with your words
winging me higher
yet forever be tethered
to the love which bore me
not simply through birth
but held me aloft
when the ground trembled
and my feet lost their way
Mother may I always?

X/Y=11

all about the numbers
just one sliver
only a single part
but tangible
more concrete than happiness
and so I work them
bend them to my will
for concrete is not immovable
they are a puzzle
a relationship in digits
alter one piece
and the effect blossoms
small changes
in the right moment
and my enemy is cowed
for the game play is
all about the numbers

Meaningless Menace

warnings slip past my senses
danger just under the radar
the flashing lights I refuse to see
for though they intrude so loudly
the ruckus provides me nothing
just the rattling of empty words

Enter Bogart

sterling rays descend

bathing the world in grayscale

Casablanca born

30 Days Hath...

counting out the year
by the landmarks
every month another
life-changing events
penciled or inked
they stack heavily
washing me along
with their undertow
pushing me to happiness
and thin-lipped grace

Is It Vanity?

that I steal years from a box
disguising threads of gray
that multiply each season
adding warmth
of no genetic source
until fifteen years pass
and I don't know the root
tabula rasa a distant memory

In the Trenchants

I hear her words in my head
burrowing
hiding until time to strike
critical comments she floats like feathers
and yet they drop like anvils
sharp and crushing
in thoughts already so beaten
and when I turn a deaf ear
they write themselves behind my lids
haunting each darkened eye

Keys of Spring

variegated, it

fed by sun and thunderstorms

preparing to fly

Study of Me

half shelf of empty books
virgin white pages
waiting
anticipating
dreading
the words that will fill
winding stream of India ink
hitting points high and low
the inane and the pivotal
capturing whatever the moment holds
without shame or guilt
a personal history
autobiography and fiction
in eight volumes
(so far)

Renewing Fidelity

simplicity a deception
or maybe just the assumption
that it lacks depth
for the unfathomable truth
is that the offer never changes
the devotion choice is every day

Scalping Strawberries

blade pulling toward
the flesh of my thumb
sliding smoothly
leaving a trail of red
life blood of spring
one after another
until the bowl overflows
with wedges of sweetness
sacrificed to waiting lips
luscious bites of sunlight
staining with earth's power
succulent and bright

Twilight Mirror View

jolting at 4 a.m.
soft glow of streetlamps
lighting my path
straightening pajamas
binding like ropes
from tossing nightmares
Gobi camped in my throat
I reach the faucet
without glasses all is a blur
plastic textured cup
and moderately cold water
splashing to unparch
leaning in close
reflection becomes clear
nose nearly touching glass
mascara smudged at the corners
of hooded haunted eyes
but no answers there
so I trudge back
succumbing to dreams again
carrying questions in my wake

Weighted Perspicacity

wanted to scream in frustration
trying to lead the way
yet undermined from inside
negativity like a slow wound
sluggish yet pervasive
and though I press on
blank stares my only companion
determination falls to perception
as I tumble under perforce

Rock the Boat

feel the icy splash of knowledge
on your skin
on your thoughts
let it douse the flame of mindless rage
chill the blood
that runs so hot
and lets your tongue escape
racing circles
passing coals
quiet weapons that flare in dry minds
capsize
to save us all

Symphony Showers

staccato rain beats

water music stops and starts

full washed moon looks on