Two-ended Candle

surreptitiously stealing
few minutes here
an hour there
hoping my body won't notice
knowing that it will
hands spinning me dizzy

Expired Title

the little moniker
(sometimes derogatory
or simply precious done)
is cast off
a year older
soon a mother
of no use anymore



(Happy Birthday to my sister Katie!)

Water and Stars

crazy at midnight

watching the roof-hugging moon

through the sprinkler haze

Dating Refresher Course

relearning flirtation, so very out of practice
and recalling that I never was good at it
as it was taught by others
the false laughter and showy disinterest
all to distract from the reality
that no-meaning-yes is unnatural
relearning how to be attractive, attracting
and recalling how easy it should be
that talking to the right man
is like falling down, gravity does all the work

Somnambulist

hours after waking
my dream still clings
subconscious static electricity
drenching everyday actions
with scraps of memory
as if they were real
and not awkward intimacies
forced upon my mind's eye
with no regard for comfort
so that innocent chatter
is now tainted oily
slick and tacky
adhering to my thoughts
even as I try to shake free

My Heart Beats For

ever the proud leader
believing himself above reproach
beyond the frailties of lesser
the golden boy
as though she cared
each perfect decision another flop
more proof that his heart
would always belong
only to himself

Steep for five minutes

steam rises in a flurry as I drench the loose tea

the leaves dance and I realize the bygone civility

across the table she sits, patient and reserved

two people and a teapot, so very alike

heat making the tea surrender its flavor

its essence, delicate as a conversation

with a little warmth she opens up

unfurling like tea leaves, suddenly vast

and deep as Earl Grey on my tongue

Electricity Hiccup

sudden darkness descends
but more
envelops as a curtain
absent any glint or shadow
and I freeze
unexpected I must acclimate
remember where my feet stand
where my hands rest
so moving again
between one heartbeat and the next
blazing light again
like an electricity hiccup

Is this what we are?

winding up and falling down
driven to no destination
only pavement under foot
wearing the soul thin

Through Bliss

traversing two lanes
when you shared your smile
revolving door of joy
like a carousel
looping with laughter

Apollo Admirer

pursed lips kiss goodnight

since smiling in his presence

now tucked in for sleep

It's Alive

zombie steps
stiff and unbalanced
heavy heel on tile
chill in the newly made day
with sunlight only creeping
hesitant against the silent room

Squabbles

laden declarations
heavy on the tongue and shoulders
of misunderstandings
long in the making
conceived in assumption
and born of contempt
until witnessed by heavy hearts
wishing for peace
though the fight delicious
singular treat shared
one at each end
meeting paradoxically in the middle

Battle Ready

you don't disarm me
with your brash exclamations
and hint of vanilla
only put me on edge
lashing tongue at the ready
only a breath away
but your breath carries
floating sugar stories
that make my grip go slack
and I am helpless

Lady Luck

forget luck being a lady
be affable
my nerves draining off like rainwater
be cordial
not to hang on my shoulders
but keep me company
all alone I'll need a friend
warming the cards
holding my hand under the table
so the dealer doesn't know we're together
until it's too late

Luminary

under wraps
like a hidden soul
rock star of spirit
suffering the paparazzi eye
ducking questions and flashes
with alarming ease
no malice or desire
only silence growing
fed upon unpierced darkness

What's the Sign?

How much of me is preordained?
drawn from the stars
planets rising, aligning, retrograde
on the day I arrived
forcing foibles into grasping hands
steady voice behind the scream
full of second chances
and a fear of battle
Where is the line drawn?
reading a balanced life
my doubts and stumbling blocks
by a man who never knew
so that I question
self-fulfilling or undeniable

Fake It Till

plastered smile
accessory I never forget
more vital than a nametag
like a practiced routine
head lifts and lips curve
so ingrained it's thoughtless
or so I believed
but the reality reaches further
into the depths of a tired mind
for energy can slip away
stolen by the spinning clock
yet joy can rejuvenate
and no matter how fake it begins
when eyes meet
bouncing smiles like a mirror
I feel the delight
airy but substantial
fueling the effortless next smile

Fade In, Interior

I felt my steps as choreography
not of a dance
but an economy of movement
beginning in the kitchen
mug of tea in right
plated bagel in left
snapping off the light switch
with the sharpness of an elbow
past the stereo
bumping power with a hip
down the stairs to the landing
balancing plate on mug
to turn the deadbolt
fish out the cellphone
tucked neatly into pocket
and back down the stairs two-handed
dishes gently on the end table
and without a pause
setting alarms on the cellphone
through the few steps to the nightstand
and back to the couch
where tea is steaming
so that in the back of my head
it felt like blocking
I could almost feel a camera on me
a fluid movie intro
establishing the single woman
closing up the house for the night
finally relaxing with a warm mug
to stave off the stresses of the day

Front Loaded High Efficiency

with an urgency that confuses me
intoned every minute
unless I rush to its side
as though it were the entire world
immediacy engendered casually
so that I can't help but respond
muttering my contempt
even as pace quickens
arguing with major appliances
in a silent room

Cancer

skittering from left to right
personal shield in tow
far from heading for a fight
ready to hide below

most secure in domicile
with stories by the score
still would walk a thousand mile
for fam'ly they adore

Sunset Diagramed

window seat
with the ice blue view
so that nothing passed unspoken
mysteries laid open
markers piercing the surface
a how-to guide
sequential nightmare
instead serpentine past ankles
tripping me up
in the hazy dusk

The Growing Obsession

the growing obsession

with the earth

the green

each leaf and blossom

so that five pots

have grown to twenty

because it seems silly

not to use every inch

every ray of sun and raindrop

should have a purpose

a destination

because it's a new start

a representation

sign of life moving

upward where the stakes lead

Relative Humidity

I forget all day long

sealed in my fridge

with the scenic view

it feels like paradise

that I'm missing

until the hands circle

and I escape

into

air grown corpulent

wading through

feeling where every strap lies

purse blossoming dew

stripes across the crook

my car a personal bubble

microcosm enhancing the effect

until sanctuary looms

spewing chill upon my entrance

soaking to the toes divested of cover

Feast Still Famine

on surfaces that reflect
how much I miss you
even as the door slides
from another visit
cutting our words short
like tomato in the salad
I need more
craving it in my bones
hunger unsatisfied
until your voice again

Burning Scarlet

when the fever rises in my blood
I ache for the simple, soft, and sweet
for shoulders to lean against
and the crook of the neck
where peace always makes itself home
my fingers curl to be holding someone
child or man or family
only to meet palm to palm
with the grasp of growing darkness
so that the burning can stop
doused in blue eyes and my teardrops

Embracing the Void

like a thousand piece puzzle

of the cloud sprinkled sky

I rearrange

judging angles and distance

the geometry of a home

balancing the equation

of comfort and aesthetics

and realizing functions can change

surfaces can stay empty

spaces don't all have to be filled

the blue between the clouds

is part of the picture too

Tending the Seeds

setting the trowel down
dirt still under my nails
I revel in my work
neat lines of green beginnings
new life sprouting up
with a future and purpose

so that it makes me wonder

setting the quill down
ink still under their nails
did they revel in their conviction?
neat lines of traitorous text
new life declared
with a future and purpose

Houdini's Curse

witnessing her evanescence
first the boisterous voice
gone shallow and breathy
until each word just another exhale
then her cheshire grin
pearls losing their lustre
beneath sparkling eyes
gone a tear-stained periwinkle
and even as I grasp her hand
my fingers fold
holding only air and memory

Amended Building Plans

were we what I had always imagined

in sepia photos and rosy-tinged dreams?

a complete unit, set one through four

with all angles covered

system of braces and supports

so interconnected no quake could topple

or were we always waiting for more?

his spot preordained

a hole I never noticed until framing his laugh

Go Home Again

reacquainting with the noises
the rattles, creaks, and taps
learning the shadows, flares
like a game of memory
eyes closed, seven steps down
pacing the doorways
as childhood recollection seeps in
yet though the structure remains
the form is shifting, evolving
moving in and on