Complications in Surgery

distracted

I try to put pen to paper

or fingers to keys

determined to make it flow

force the words to come

but all I hear is silence

quiet fear and hush of hope

ringing phone long died out

I have no words

Sunday Ritual

scooped up in my arms
he rests for a moment
twirling whichever pendant
this has become our routine
he asks about my necklace
never pulling, only turning
or where I've been hiding
that he missed me so much
between grasping hugs
and soft curls nuzzling
we say hello
then abruptly down please
and off to charm another
with those happy eyes
and boisterous energy
but always back again
with a hug and a kiss
and a guess what Christy
for this is our routine



(for my buddy Alex who protects me from lions and keeps me in his heart)

Not Fight to Win

she surrounded herself in words
staring from walls and shelves
vast miles of language
the black on white balance
communication across years
spanning the globe
and still it was never enough
though they assaulted her thoughts
she found solace not in escape
but in creation
surrounded in her own words
the pen to paper balance

The Ever Present Observer

fourteen year old me was disliked
not with a burning fire in their belly
but the aversion of facing a mirror
I regarded my world
all the actions and emotions
hedging comments with furtive looks
endless columns of life in my notebook
scrawled lines, half print-half script
wirebound windows they wished shuttered

Self-Propelled Stasis

I folded time like the notes we used to pass in school
tucked in my pocket where it can't do any harm
no more happy-deer leaping and bounding
knocking rocks into my clockwork plans

The Hero

stalwart and true
such a narrow identity
patterned in Hercules' allegory
mortally unreachable
for more humanly real
sacrifice and fortitude
standing in the hurricane path
life spun on axis
risk spinning forever out
still just two feet on the ground
watching the storm come in

Pre-Bequest

breeze blowing on the drive home
garnet strand caught the sunlight
like my grandmother's jewelry drawer
in the upstairs bedroom
summer rays fighting the drawn shades
the deep red of bloodlines
heirlooms passed from paper-skinned hands
never and yet always one for things
the equality of tangible love
balancing precariously, resolutely

The Hermit

in shadowed corner
behind bolted door
he bends his eyes
a search forever inward
fencing Socrates with his wit
conceived not confined
guarded dilligently against intrusion
of thought or world
traversing the landscape within

The Maiden

of innocence and light
skipping by way of travel
for youth knows not life's gravity
only joy and laughter
she carries no secrets, tells no lies
deception searches her out
yet can not sink its teeth
into soft peach flesh
instead retreating in fear
from faith's expanse
blanketing her against the darkness

Wait to Continue

gangly legs tucked
she perched lightly on her suitcase
neither patient nor impatient
she simply sat
crowds converged and splayed
flowed past her like a rock in the riverbed
undisturbed she sat
the waiting game of travel
hours spent passing through stations
with rows of cities and times
near infinite choices of where you could be
how far you could go
her choice made
neither patient nor impatient
she waited to continue

Artifice

silver tongue
dropping beautiful lies
so slippery to evade me
they fall fully-formed
a bulwark of deception
stable as concrete
foundation poured from his lips
frame assembled with words
a whole home of falsehood
every hollow wall empty air
vacuum of the soul
beneath drywall treachery

Mind the Gap

the distance between us
growing as days pass
even as I leap
my toes know
they may never touch ground
even as I soar
my heart knows
it may keep falling forever

Battle for Winter

snow since disappeared

yet empty trees still grasp

with their Wicked Witch claws

snatching at the breeze

fending off the rousing sun

armies lining the road

shoulder to shoulder they brace

first wave against the coming spring

unaware the inevitable conclusion

choking on her seeds of confinement

Persephone returns again

to wreath them in joyful greens

these uncasualties of war

Sixteen Again

out of work at five

car radio cranked up high

warm wind rushing through

tapping at the steering wheel

like memories of spring break

Lucent

spinning the ring on my right hand
watching sparkles pass
occupying my hands, but not my thoughts
the compulsive little fidgets
that give me away under your gaze
those green eyes too much, too steady
looking through me like a window
unburdened and guileless
and I'm transparent, not invisible

Earth (imbued)

rounded
of birth and creation
from the pit to the heart

growing, expanding
enveloping an entire life
forever linked

love immutable
traveling the cord
though cut, still connected

Fire (imbued)

stoking the flame
fed by betrayal
licking at old wounds

the heat only grows
a ravenous inferno
of pilot descent

charred heart remains
last vestige of the wildrage

Air (imbued)

bubbling
rising weightless in the throat
until a giggle escapes

floating and expanding
filling every corner
splitting a face with laughter

titter, chuckle, guffaw
discarding the anchors of day to day
buoyant in joy

Water (imbued)

drenched

sorrow dripping from fingertips

each crashing wave

a new round of tears

rivers carving tender cheeks

hollow pools in a gaunt face

reservoirs of grief

resenting the dry eyes that follow

their pain forever ebbed

deserts of emotion

Grocery Zen

on soles already tired
I enter the sliding doors
plopping my purse in a cart
slab of spring pink against worn metal

with wheels squealing I turn
always produce first
examining each blemish when still fresh

then the bank of aisles
like a mountain switchback, I traverse
eyes glazed against the barrage

bred in familiarity my feet stop
hand grasps without fully focusing
and adds to the pile

the monotony soothing
a modern day meditation

Pisces

in shimmering scales blue-green
she watched the world pass by
emotions running too deep
without desire to try

yet when new stream waters flow
o'er fins she takes her chance
channeling once hidden joy
into her fluid dance

Calypso

crowned in innocence
vines wreathed her auburn strands
alabaster toes emerged
only to be swallowed again
by the verdant growth
bathed in a shaft broken through
I believed her a dream
stunning illusion of dehydration and fear

Cupid's shot...

...hit wide
tried to aim with both eyes open
forgot that first love's part illusion
a leap of faith
taken on half the story
no perception of depth
surface connection drawing me in
forgot that love is a journey
a master class in eccentricities
thesis on the variable angles of his smile

Priority Mail

mailed my soul to you
tissue paper wrapped
box with sharp little corners
signed, stamped, and sent off
waiting impatiently
as my pen slides over creamy vellum
curling loops of who I am
who I could be
creating another soul
amassing its intricacies
to mail to someone else
someday

Father Time & Mother Nature

time slips past
wisps of smoke
caressing and evading my grasp
every shade of gray curls
ascending to form the clouds
blowing minutes to hours to days by
and though they always escape
my arms reach
hands clench
empty again

Sphinx

her wisdom split by
lion, eagle, ox, and man
four witnesses each
building with their history
a blueprint for the future

(above: Greco-roman inspired Oedipus and Sphinx wall hanging from museumize.com
below: depiction of the four gospels from the Metropolitan Museum of Art)

Angel/Man

for which will reveal

divine intervention or

mortal on two legs

Ox

solid and steady

pulling forward on the path

devoted ever

Eagle

on wings he must soar

embodiment of spirit

gazing on the truth

Lion

majestic and proud

crown of gold circling his face

held for all to see

Humble Thyself

stepping into the sanctuary
rows of empty pews
light glinting ahead
the cross my ultimate goal
but as I rush
I stumble
down on four limbs
gathering myself I rise
one step .. another
and my legs give
on my knees in the center
I realize
   cool tile below
   warm light above
   north south east west
   faces of witness
this is the place
this is the moment