Day 10 - Poem "The Movement"

The Movement

expectant at the starting block
tension gripping the physical
even as it is banished from thought
because winning the race isn't victory
celebration resides in the attempt
tossing fear aside like refuse
the movement is the moment
and in the silence before the shot
she takes questionable aim
bullet piercing, hobbled from the first
the movement is the moment
and the moment is slipping past
unwieldy thoughts stumble and fall
no movement is no moment
the attempt stolen from me
so that I almost regret
and remember the peace of repose

~Christy Sundberg
    1/10/2016

Instructions Not Included

step one completed
and subsequently scrapped
as completely wrong
such is the creative process

step two, the step one do-over
partial success needing tweaking
fully adjusted to specifications
such is personal determination

step three scheduled
when the night isn't so long
and the ideas flow again
such is exhaustion calling

Gravid

a sad sounding word
heavy and solid
like steel support beams
and yet somewhat apropos
she seemed heavy
in body and spirit
weighted by her growing child
and by the future soon to break
filled with kicking feet
and dancing dreams
burdened by the inner glow
fire of life beginning
emergence on the horizon

Dating Refresher Course

relearning flirtation, so very out of practice
and recalling that I never was good at it
as it was taught by others
the false laughter and showy disinterest
all to distract from the reality
that no-meaning-yes is unnatural
relearning how to be attractive, attracting
and recalling how easy it should be
that talking to the right man
is like falling down, gravity does all the work

Tending the Seeds

setting the trowel down
dirt still under my nails
I revel in my work
neat lines of green beginnings
new life sprouting up
with a future and purpose

so that it makes me wonder

setting the quill down
ink still under their nails
did they revel in their conviction?
neat lines of traitorous text
new life declared
with a future and purpose

Mind the Gap

the distance between us
growing as days pass
even as I leap
my toes know
they may never touch ground
even as I soar
my heart knows
it may keep falling forever

I Didn't Find Him

the sky was still light when I left

only just beginning to wash pink

warm glow against the hard marble

I didn't find him

silly to think I could just wander

clinging to a vague memory

visitation of my youth

ascending in the back seat

sister silent beside me

we stopped near a bench, I think

not certain anymore

I didn't find him

Mom alone at first

two girls staring at her bent figure

from behind rain sprinkled windows

then all of us

looking at/to/through the name

slab nearly level with the ground

that's part of why

I didn't find him

and it was so cold

searching with snow fencing the plots

brilliant white fading as the sun

the wind became foreboding so

I didn't find him

and I drove home

sunset chasing me like a vague memory

of Dr. Tippett's grave

Cross-stitching one night...

slipped with the needle positioning for the stitch
I pushed in too far
leaving a growing dot
red against porcelain cream

of no real consequence
just another mark this body carries
telling its story without words

right shoulder
single chicken pox scar
reminder to practice patience

left thumb
indent on the flesh
reminder to always cut away

right ankle
once broken, now weak
reminder to leap deliberately

left arm
parallel lines
reminder to choose my surroundings

every scar
physical manifestations like nature's little notes
writing her story in me
informs not just the history
but directs the future

Ash Wednesday

lids down

my face turned toward the light

toward the heavens

I wait

. . .

"Therefore I despise myself

and repent in dust and ashes."

. . .

gently on my forehead

east to west

north to south

marked for all to see

. . .

on my knees

tiles chill against my pointed toes

heart heavy

I wait

. . .

(Job 42:6 Today's New International Version)

Valentine Aftermath

I should write a poem of love
unrequited or eternal
tragic, comic, real
a lifetime or just one moment
it should flow from dawn to dusk
then through the night
for love never sleeps
yet pulls from dreams
wisps of prince charming
and fair Juliet
or sly furtive glances
slicing the crowd


I should write a poem of love
maybe next year

Tick

tick

tick

tick

the seconds passed

like heartbeats

tick

tick

when I was a child

I had my first watch

non digital

and it would

tick

tick

tick

I wore it to sleep

slid beneath my pillow

the slightly muffled

tick

tick

sending me to dreams

peaceful and serene

tick

tick

tick

a few years later

I found my grandfather's

old pocket watches

tick

tucked in a drawer

wound one and it answered

tick

tick

tick

beside my head

it pulled me to slumber

tick

tick

and to this day

if ever I can't settle

my troubled brain can't still

I turn to the

tick

tick

tick

tick

Goldilocks

the sweater was too warm
bare shoulders too chill
I couldn't regulate
no balance

the sun rose too early
moonlight crept too long
I couldn't wake
no balance

the music was too loud
her voice too soft
I couldn't listen
no balance

the light was too bright
shadowed corners too dark
I couldn't see
no balance

the drink was too sour
dessert far too sweet
I couldn't eat
no balance

my dreams were too big
reality too small
I couldn't win
no balance

Babel

"Curleshellot abaulano"
she cried into the night
"Curleshellot abaulano
Abaulano, my love"

And though the dark was crystal still
her words fell on deaf ears
for mournful wails mean naught to those
where answers not prevail

I heard her weep on gentle winds
as day came to a close
"Curleshellot abaulano
Abaulano, my love"

Through ev'ry shadowed corner sought
then found with child in arms
lashes weighted down with shed tears
no sense her mumbles made

Still hand could give what I knew not
a lift to heart and head
the gaze we shared as from my lips
"Abaulano, my friend"


 
 
(Pronunciation:  kur-le-shuh-lot   a-boh-lah-noh)

I Seek You

under cover of darkness
I creep
soles with a memory
leading the way

hallways and stairs
a labyrinth spread forth
traveling the maze
to find you again

with the shadows trailing
one step behind
yet never gaining
I am led on

silken cord taut
tugging at my heart
guiding my steps
to meet you again

even at dawning
I seek
soul with a memory
leading the way

The Reality Is

I have these compulsive thoughts
not dangerous
just strange

When the silence surrounds me
they repeat in my head
"the reality is"

I'm obsessed with the real
and the illusion
not that I can always tell

Sometimes it passes
without my notice
just incessant white noise

Other times it pervades
pushing out other thoughts
overwhelming me

not dangerous
just strange

i would mourn

if you were everything
all the thoughts I had
dreams that passed my eyes
if that was you

i would mourn

weep and rend garments
like the old books tell
red-rimmed eyes forever
if that was you

i would mourn

if you held no secrets
and pulled no punches
yet all your words were love
if that was you

i would mourn

curse the day you fled
blacken it on every calendar
strike it from history
if that was you

i would mourn

but half-truths and guilting
waiting by a silent phone
hours passing unspoken
that was you

i would heal

Epiphany

there in the shadow
light intrudes
destructively searching every corner
flooding
overtaking and abolishing
so that every detail disappears

a million grays become flat white
bright but featureless
painful as turning your gaze to the sun
such is the force of God in human hands

but invited
sought
given passage and presence

there in the shadow
light washes
cleansing gently every crevice
filling
supporting and creating
so that every talent grows

a million grays explode to color
bright but welcoming
creating a beacon in the darkness of life
such is the grace of God

to follow Him

His words fill me and hollow me out
boring holes, carving rooms
pushing the cage until my heartbeats
echo
echo
echo
chisel like a sculptor
His thoughts create paths to tread
a labyrinth spiraling slowly in
to where my prayers
echo
echo
answer